For years you have dreamt of this time in your life where you have found your soul mate and are ready to sail off into the future filled with love and romance like they do in the movies - but is that really what you can expect after the wedding? We have all had those feelings of fireworks during dating and the adrenaline and excitement after the proposal and think that it is going to last a lifetime. We are passionate and driven while planning the wedding because we have pictured it in our heads since we were toddlers. So what happens after you spend a year or more planning your wedding, putting all your blood sweat and tears into every single little detail and then Boom! It’s over in a flash? It is true, the wedding is exciting, magical, memorable and while it is a HUGE deal, it is just one day versus a lifetime together. Have you put much thought into what you can expect after the wedding? Maybe you have never been married before and are wondering what this change will bring. Marriage is a huge commitment and should be taken seriously. Marriage is not just about the fancy party. It is so much more! We're here to answer the age old question: what's marriage really like?
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Now, don’t get us wrong. We are not psychologists or any type of therapist by trade, but we do have experience in weddings and marriage and can share our insights with you. You may find some interesting tips or insider views here that can open your eyes before you even say “I Do!
There are a few great tips we can share with you right away, but they do not pertain to “after the wedding”. One of the most important parts of having a great marriage is communication and there are a lot of things that should be discussed before you even agree to get married. There are some huge "elephants in the room" that many couples avoid talking about. Here are two of the most important discussions to have.
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Have the talk about kids
This is a must. Prior to getting engaged you both need to know where each other stand when it comes to having children. Marriage doesn’t always have to equal “having children”. There are many happy couples that live long lives filled with love sans children. Having kids is a game changer. It brings on new levels of stress, disappointment, frustration, and, of course, joy. Have the talk before you get engaged and then hold true to your own beliefs and gut feelings. Don’t succumb to the pressures of others. Be prepared, though - as soon as the wedding is over the pressure will be on and coming from all angles.
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Whoa! This one is HUGE!! If you do not know the spending habits of your partner before you agree to get married you are in for a surprise. Spend a few hours talking about who will be responsible for “paying” the bills (meaning making the payments and not who is going to earn all the money). Talk about your financial priorities and make sure you’re on the same page. Also, don’t forget to inquire about their credit. Yep! I know that’s a private thing, but you better get to know the intimate details of your man or woman before the I Do’s. If you have great credit and their’s is terrible right off the bat their will be frustrations in the marriage.
Now that we have gotten those important tips out of the way we can get on to the social aspects of marriage!
In today’s society the wedding is viewed as a great big party. You would actually be surprised to know that many brides really seem to be on this journey for the “wedding” and not the “marriage”. They want the pretty dress, the hair, the makeup, everyone pampering her and the amazing professional photos. When it comes to the time after the wedding, though, they are at a loss. They no longer have a thousand things to do, the planning is over, there are no more fittings, or cake tastings - it is just you and your spouse forever.
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The wedding is not just a party!
It is a celebration of the love that the two of you have for each other. The wedding should tell “your story” of how you met and fell in love and the dreams you have for the future. Plan the wedding together so both of your personalities will be seen throughout the ceremony and reception. Doing this will not only create a beautiful event but it will open the doors of communication between the two of you and remind you that while the wedding will be awesome, so is your partnership
! From the very start it will teach you how to talk through things, how and where to spend money wisely, how to agree or disagree on things, and how to make the best decisions for your family. Remember you become a family as soon as you say I Do, even if you don’t have kids!
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The great things that you can look forward to are the joys of planning a life together and seeing your ideas and dreams become reality. Like an artist painting a picture, with each brush stroke you see an amazingly beautiful story filled with vibrant colors that is unique to you. Marriage involves a lot of compromise and give and take in order to create a masterpiece. Throw selfishness out the window if you want your marriage to thrive!
Another wonderful after the wedding experience is (or at least should be) building a genuine trust and friendship with each other. There should be no one closer to you than your spouse. There should be no secrets. A marriage is the joining of two people into one. You can still be individuals but you should operate as one.
Take advantage of getting to know each other’s habits under the stress of planning the wedding. Then after the wedding the real fun starts. It’s your blank canvas to create.
We want to know what you are most excited for about marriage. Share your comments below!