There are just some things you do not want to hear on your big day. Emotions are running high. A whole lot of planning, time, money, sweat, tears, and happiness went into this event. You are a guest at this event. Act kindly, wisely, and politely. Don’t blow it. I’m not a bride-to-be, but I am an opinionated person with a functioning keyboard and a little bit of sass. This advice is geared for weddings, but can really be used for any big social event. So, let’s get to it!
25 Worst Things to Say to a Bride on Her Wedding Day:
1. “I’m invited, right?” The pre-wedding/event question of our nightmares. Unfortunately, not everyone we’ve ever met can be invited to the big day (unless you’re Kimye…). I don’t want to feel this pressure from everyone who congratulates me on the big news. The internet is a beautiful thing (I mean you get to read this after all!) But it has also expanded social circles in ways that our great-grandparents could’ve never dreamed. Just because we’re FB friends, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to be invited to the biggest day of my life. So, please…don’t ask. 2. “How much did all of this cost?” Just no. Money is a taboo topic to begin with, so why even bother bringing it up at a wedding? If I want to share the price tag, I’ll find a way to bring it up. Odds are the only time price will be willingly brought up is if I got some stellar deal that I want to shout about from the mountaintops. Unless that happens, don’t talk about it. 3. “So, when are you having kids now?” Easy, tiger. I basically just said, “I do,” five minutes ago, give me a second to catch my breath. Babies are super cute and precious, but they aren’t everyone’s thing. And there shouldn’t be pressure to rush it. You might just say this while you’re joking around, but maybe just steer clear of baby talk all together and enjoy the present. In fact, here’s a pre-baby bucket list that can’t be ignored >> 4. “It’s O.K…” Um, what? Do you understand how much energy was expended on this occasion? I want to hear that everything was absolutely fantastic or I want to hear nothing at all (but mostly I want to hear that it’s fantastic). Even if you don’t personally love it, don’t tell me you think my choices are mediocre. 5. “I can’t believe you got him/her to settle.” Hi. You’re talking about my new Mr. here. I just promised forever to this dude, don’t try to freak me out by bringing up his past. People go through wilder phases, it doesn’t mean that they are incapable of settling down.
6. “I’m not wearing this.” You’ve heard the term Bridezilla, but have you ever heard of a Bridesmaidzilla? It’s a thing (or maybe I just made it up.) Don’t be that girl who tells me she refuses to wear the dress I pick out. Trust my vision. You will have your own day where you can call the shots, so just nod your head and smile for this one. 7. “You look kind of tired.” I despise when people say this to me, on any occasion. You might as well just slap concealer on my face and keep your words to yourself. I think I would be less offended. 8. “We lost the groom.” Ha. Probably one of the worst things to say to a bride who’s already stressed. Unless this is not a joke, and we actually have an emergency on our hands, do not scare me like this. 9. “I hope it’s cool if I brought some friends with me!” About that… if I had wanted to invite your friends, I would have asked for their addresses. I have to pause here. I can’t lie to you, dear reader. I did indeed semi-crash a reception once. But here’s the thing: I had permission to do so. I got the thumbs up to tag along with a few friends to a friend’s cousin’s wedding dance (super close connection, right?) If you get the A-OK to invite a friend to the dance, that’s one thing. But do not throw a curveball and bring your whole crew. 10. “My food wasn’t very good.” The average cost per guest is $136 in Minnesota. You think that’s spendy? You don’t even want to know how expensive New York is (Okay, yes you do. It’s $630 PER PERSON!) Throwing a wedding doesn’t happen with pocket change. Be considerate of this when you share your opinions.
11. “This isn’t really my style.” Oh, I’m sorry. Is it supposed to be your style? Couples have inside jokes, joint interests, and unique characteristics. Just because it isn’t something you would pick for yourself, doesn’t mean it doesn’t have special meaning to the person who selected it. 12. “I hate this song.” Well, guess what? Odds are someone here does like it. Let them have their one dance or sing-a-long song, and you can request the next one. Or, if it is a more important song like the first dance, father-daughter dance, or the mother-son dance, please just bite your tongue. This tune is special to us in some way or another, don’t diminish that. 13. “Has anyone seen the photographer/DJ/caterer/officiant?” This corresponds with number 8. Unless we have a serious emergency, please do not add to my anxiety. 14. “Where do I pick up my party favor?” Don’t jump to conclusions. While many couples do cute little take-aways, not all do. Like we discussed earlier, nuptials are not cheap. Everyone has priorities, and party favors might get trumped by a lot of other wedding expenses. Doesn’t mean we don’t love and appreciate you though! 15. “The flowers are looking a little wilted.” Time to recall what mother used to say, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Flowers, while beautiful, are just a minor detail in the grand scheme of life. They might not look garden-fresh over the entire span of the union; that’s just life—no need to point it out now.
16. “Are you sure you want to eat that?” This is a question I never want to be asked. Ever. I love food. It makes me happy. If I want to eat a large Dairy Queen Blizzard hours before I squeeze into my dream dress, let me indulge. I’m a firm believer in the idea of moderation, so unless I am going absolutely crazy and eating three loaves of bread daily, please do not comment on my eating habits. 17. “I totally hope you guys beat the divorce statistics!” You know that 50% rate that gets tossed around? It’s not even accurate. Regardless, I don’t want to hear about the potential end of my happily-ever-after minutes after it begins. Educate yourself first, and even if you don’t think the union will last, don’t talk about it. 18. “…whatever makes you happy!” This one is all about tone. If you say this with a smile and really mean it, then you are in the clear. If you are rolling your eyes and saying this through clenched teeth, we have a problem. It is my big day! It should be about whatever makes me happy. Happiness is what this whole event is about anyway, isn’t it? 19. “Where is the open bar?” I love the idea of an open bar. Let your guests have a great time without worrying about the bill. Downside to this? A hefty invoice for whoever gets to take on the cost. Having an open bar is far from cheap, so again, don’t make assumptions and respect budget restrictions before you speak. 20. “You’re going there/doing that for your honeymoon?” Again, this one is about tone. Everybody has their own taste for adventure. Whether it’s an Italian excursion or a simple camping weekend, just because it isn’t your idea of fun doesn’t mean it isn’t perfect for someone else.
21. “I spent a lot of money to get here.” An invitation isn’t a subpoena. I wanted your presence on this happy occasion, but I didn’t force you to attend anything. I sincerely appreciate the time, effort, and resources you put into attending the biggest day of my life, but please don’t make me feel like I guilted you into the occasion. 22. “Can I make a song request to liven things up a bit?” First rule of attending a party: Never tell the host that his or her party sucks—no matter how passive-aggressively you are able to phrase it. 23. “I don’t love where I’m sitting. Can I move?” If I assigned you seating, odds are I put some serious intention behind the arrangement. If you are concerned about who you may be seated with, or would like to sit with someone specifically, please mention this to me well in advance and I will accommodate you the best I can. Pretty please, don’t be switching place cards when I’m not looking. 24. “Your dress is so pretty! Not my style, but you look great!” Let’s edit this phrase to something that IS acceptable. “Your dress is so pretty! You look great!” Just leave it at that. 25. “Did you hear about the drama between so and so?” Eh, nope! And I don’t really care to! Unless I need to be forewarned about a groomsman with a black eye or a bridesmaid with wrangled hair, I don’t even want to know. Everyone should be on his and her best behavior during this happy time. Let’s all be friends!
Always remember wedding guest etiquette.
This list could be written a hundred different ways. Some of the above phrases won’t even phase some of you brides and grooms—but let’s play it on the safe side. Weddings are happy times, not a day to complain. Certainly there is a time and place for opinions (this blog, for example). But when it comes to someone else’s dream day, wait until you are home behind closed doors to start analyzing every detail. Recall the age-old adage, “Treat others as you would like to be treated.” Do you want to be asked questions like this in the future? I know I don’t! It may not be your ideal day, but that’s just it… it’s not yours. Embrace the things you like about the wedding and take the things you don’t like to be a learning experience. I don’t know if there is such thing as too many compliments and kind phrases during a wedding. Err on the side of sweetness. Now, go put on your polite-pants and a smile, and have a good time! What do you think should be added to this list of the worst things to say to a bride? Share them below—I can’t wait to read! You may also like…